1. I am deathly afraid of jelly. Actually, I hate anything that is not a solid or a liquid. Pudding, Jello, whipped cream, melted ice cream…and get your mind out of the gutter, but yes, that too.

2. I have an unusual amount of tampon stories including stripping naked to pull one out to throw at a moving car and smacking a guy in the face with one when he was being a jerk.

3. I save bottles to throw on the porch when I get angry, so don’t walk in my backyard barefoot.

4. I have a collection of over ~300 Barbies.

5. I got kicked out of baptist school in the third grade for beating up a girl and making her do my homework. Then at sixteen I stood up in front of 500 people at baptist camp and called them all hypocrites. An activist was born!

6. There is a trivial pursuit question based on a company that I started.

7. I have a scar on my right butt cheek from sliding down the windshield of my kindergarten boyfriend’s Mom’s car. Windshield wiper sliced my behind open and I had to have stitches. But the thing that upset me the most was that it ruined my Miss Piggy bathing suit. Yet I am still insecure about it to this day.

8. Llamas make me laugh. Any situation with a llama and I can’t help myself.

9. I dropped out of school at 16. Everything I know is self taught.

10. I looked just like the little girl from Poltergeist when I was 5 years old. She died of Krone’s disease and I have been living with it my entire life.

11. For years I had sex with someone who was a “child star”.

12. I spanked people for money for almost 15 years. I owned a company called AntiBabe. It was a clothing line/performance art/fetish company. It’s how I met most of the people that I am close to now and where most of my crazy stories come from; and I still miss it, but knew when it was time to move on.
13. I love Neil Diamond.

14. I have no religious affilation, I just believe in the universe.

15. Most of my friends are men, but I have a group of women friends affectionately known as “The Bitches” that help to keep me sane. It is in my will that they get what little I have when I die

16. I have two half brothers (one same Mother, one same Father). Even though I grew up with one and didn’t get to know the other until my early twenties, they both have very important roles in my life. I go to one when I need logical advise, I go to the other when I need a laugh.

17. If I were on death row, I would chose roast beef and mashed potatoes for my last meal. However, I seem to exist mostly on beef jerky and boiled peanuts.

18. Most think my favorite drink is vodka. But it’s actually lemonade. And cola Slurpees.

19. When I have the flu, I need Vernors Ginger Ale. Anything else taste’s like water.

20. I tend to drop everything for my friends. It has gotten me in trouble in the past, but I don’t care. Someone in need always wins in my life.

That’s really all I have to say about myself. Hope it was enlightening. Or at least amusing.